Hear, Lord, my prayer; let not my soul faint under Thy discipline,
nor let me faint in confessing unto Thee all Thy mercies, whereby
Thou hast drawn me out of all my most evil ways, that Thou mightest
become a delight to me above all the allurements which I once
pursued; that I may most entirely love Thee, and clasp Thy hand
with all my affections, and Thou mayest yet rescue me from every
temptation, even unto the end. For lo, O Lord, my King and my
God, for Thy service be whatever useful thing my childhood learned;
for Thy service, that I speak, write, read, reckon. For Thou didst
grant me Thy discipline, while I was learning vanities; and my
sin of delighting in those vanities Thou hast forgiven. In them,
indeed, I learnt many a useful word, but these may as well be
learned in things not vain; and that is the safe path for the
steps of youth.
But woe is thee, thou torrent of human custom! Who shall stand
against thee? how long shalt thou not be dried up? how long roll
the sons of Eve into that huge and hideous ocean, which even they
scarcely overpass who climb the cross? Did not I read in thee
of Jove the thunderer and the adulterer? both, doubtless, he could
not be; but so the feigned thunder might countenance and pander
to real adultery. And now which of our gowned masters lends a
sober ear to one who from their own school cries out, "These
were Homer's fictions, transferring things human to the gods;
would he had brought down things divine to us!" Yet more
truly had he said, "These are indeed his fictions; but attributing
a divine nature to wicked men, that crimes might be no longer
crimes, and whoso commits them might seem to imitate not abandoned
men, but the celestial gods."
And yet, thou hellish torrent, into thee are cast the sons of
men with rich rewards, for compassing such learning; and a great
solemnity is made of it, when this is going on in the forum, within
sight of laws appointing a salary beside the scholar's payments;
and thou lashest thy rocks and roarest, "Hence words are
learnt; hence eloquence, most necessary to gain your ends, or
maintain opinions." As if we should have never known such
words as "golden shower," "lap," "beguile,"
"temples of the heavens," or others in that passage,
unless Terence had brought a lewd youth upon the stage, setting
up Jupiter as his example of seduction.
And then mark how he excites himself to lust as by celestial
authority:
Not one whit more easily are the words learnt for all this
vileness; but by their means the vileness is committed with less
shame. Not that I blame the words, being, as it were, choice and
precious vessels; but that wine of error which is drunk to us
in them by intoxicated teachers; and if we, too, drink not, we
are beaten, and have no sober judge to whom we may appeal. Yet,
O my God (in whose presence I now without hurt may remember this),
all this unhappily I learnt willingly with great delight, and
for this was pronounced a hopeful boy.
Bear with me, my God, while I say somewhat of my wit, Thy gift,
and on what dotages I wasted it. For a task was set me, troublesome
enough to my soul, upon terms of praise or shame, and fear of
stripes, to speak the words of Juno, as she raged and mourned
that she could not
Which words I had heard that Juno never uttered; but we were forced to go astray in the footsteps of these poetic fictions, and to say in prose much what he expressed in verse. And his speaking was most applauded, in whom the passions of rage and grief were most pre-eminent, and clothed in the most fitting language, maintaining the dignity of the character. What is it to me, O my true life, my God, that my declamation was applauded above so many of my own age and class? is not all this smoke and wind? and was there nothing else whereon to exercise my wit and tongue? Thy praises, Lord, Thy praises might have stayed the yet tender shoot of my heart by the prop of Thy Scriptures; so had it not trailed away amid these empty trifles, a defiled prey for the fowls of the air. For in more ways than one do men sacrifice to the rebellious angels.