For so doth pride imitate exaltedness; whereas Thou alone art
God exalted over all. Ambition, what seeks it, but honours and
glory? Whereas Thou alone art to be honoured above all, and glorious
for evermore. The cruelty of the great would fain be feared; but
who is to be feared but God alone, out of whose power what can
be wrested or withdrawn? When, or where, or whither, or by whom?
The tendernesses of the wanton would fain be counted love: yet
is nothing more tender than Thy charity; nor is aught loved more
healthfully than that Thy truth, bright and beautiful above all.
Curiosity makes semblance of a desire of knowledge; whereas Thou
supremely knowest all. Yea, ignorance and foolishness itself is
cloaked under the name of simplicity and uninjuriousness; because
nothing is found more single than Thee: and what less injurious,
since they are his own works which injure the sinner? Yea, sloth
would fain be at rest; but what stable rest besides the Lord?
Luxury affects to be called plenty and abundance; but Thou art
the fulness and never-failing plenteousness of incorruptible pleasures.
Prodigality presents a shadow of liberality: but Thou art the
most overflowing Giver of all good. Covetousness would possess
many things: and Thou possessest all things. Envy disputes for
excellency: what more excellent than Thou? Anger seeks revenge:
who revenges more justly than Thou? Fear startles at things unwonted
and sudden, which endanger things beloved, and takes forethought
for their safety; but to Thee what unwonted or sudden, or who
separateth from Thee what Thou lovest? Or where but with Thee
is unshaken safety? Grief pines away for things lost, the delight
of its desires; because it would have nothing taken from it, as
nothing can from Thee.
Thus doth the soul commit fornication, when she turns from Thee,
seeking without Thee, what she findeth not pure and untainted,
till she returns to Thee. Thus all pervertedly imitate Thee, who
remove far from Thee, and lift themselves up against Thee. But
even by thus imitating Thee, they imply Thee to be the Creator
of all nature; whence there is no place whither altogether to
retire from Thee. What then did I love in that theft? and wherein
did I even corruptly and pervertedly imitate my Lord? Did I wish
even by stealth to do contrary to Thy law, because by power I
could not, so that being a prisoner, I might mimic a maimed liberty
by doing with impunity things unpermitted me, a darkened likeness
of Thy Omnipotency? Behold, Thy servant, fleeing from his Lord,
and obtaining a shadow. O rottenness, O monstrousness of life,
and depth of death! Could I like what I might not, only because
I might not?
What shall I render unto the Lord, that, whilst my memory recalls
these things, my soul is not affrighted at them? I will love Thee,
O Lord, and thank Thee, and confess unto Thy name; because Thou
hast forgiven me these so great and heinous deeds of mine. To
Thy grace I ascribe it, and to Thy mercy, that Thou hast melted
away my sins as it were ice. To Thy grace I ascribe also whatsoever
I have not done of evil; for what might I not have done, who even
loved a sin for its own sake? Yea, all I confess to have been
forgiven me; both what evils I committed by my own wilfulness,
and what by Thy guidance I committed not. What man is he, who,
weighing his own infirmity, dares to ascribe his purity and innocency
to his own strength; that so he should love Thee the less, as
if he had less needed Thy mercy, whereby Thou remittest sins to
those that turn to Thee? For whosoever, called by Thee, followed
Thy voice, and avoided those things which he reads me recalling
and confessing of myself, let him not scorn me, who being sick,
was cured by that Physician, through whose aid it was that he
was not, or rather was less, sick: and for this let him love Thee
as much, yea and more; since by whom he sees me to have been recovered
from such deep consumption of sin, by Him he sees himself to have
been from the like consumption of sin preserved.